Archive for the 'Overcoming Obstacles' Category

The Law of Attraction, Sobriety, Depression and Being a Size 6

Wednesday, November 8th, 2006

Wendy, what the heck? I thought this was supposed to be a work at home parents blog!

So what do the law of attraction, sobriety, depression and being a size 6 have to do with anything around here?

Not much, actually. ;)

That’s the point.

These are all subjects that I have touched on in this blog that have prompted MANY of you wonderful readers to contact me privately and ask more about how I have overcome these challenges in my past.

I’ve responded to all of you along the way, but I prefer to answer reader questions on the blog, so that more people get to benefit from the answers. Unfortunately, most of these answers simply aren’t on topic around here. I’ve been able to weave in bits and pieces of my experiences as they relate to business (and personal challenges affect us everywhere in life, anyway). But it is time to devote more time and energy to these topics.


1-Because I want to address the volumes of email I get on a weekly basis from people seeking help that I can provide

2-Because it fits awfully well with my new-ish coaching practice

3-Because it fits with my life purpose that I left my high-paying, outside-the-home career to pursue back in April

You know, it’s funny how all these things work out - and hindsight seems to always reinforce my trust in the Universe and the process of life in general. When I launched eSelfHelp, I specifically didn’t want to be at the forefront of the site. I think I wasn’t quite ready to be a true leader yet. When eMoms took off and eSelfHelp didn’t, I was left to figure out why the heck that was the case.

But after talking with several of my colleagues, it became clear that the reason this site was working was because I wasn’t afraid to put myself out there as an expert in my field. Once I embraced my power and owned my place as a leader, this blog just skyrocketed.

Thanks for the nudge Universe (and to myself!). I got the hint.

I’m ready to move forward and be at the forefront. I am ready to lead and to serve everyone who wants my help. And I’m launching my new blog in the next week or two to take my own career to the next level.

Don’t worry, eMoms at Home is staying put and nothing is changing around here - it’s just time I started helping a lot of other people besides work at home parents. :)

Stay tuned!

Business and Life Coaching is Official

Monday, November 6th, 2006

Yep. I’ve decided that officially taking on business and life coaching clients fits nicely with my ultimate goal for my life (which is facilitating change in individuals via live events, books/blogging and now one-on-one). I’ve done it on the side with the Anthony Robbins and Associates organization here in the Chicago area for nearly 2 and a half years. It’s time to lead a change in more people than I have been able to up to now.

So what is a coach? I actually don’t like the term, because my own coach not only transformed my life, but also worked extensively with my family and all of us have experienced massive change by working with him. Somehow “coach” doesn’t seem to encompass all of the things he has done for us, and all of the things I can now do for my own clients. By working with my coach on and off for 3 years, we have:

  • More than doubled our income
  • Got our daughter off of Ritalin, and she just got straight A’s (well, one B+ too)
  • I know I personally have saved two lives and had a hand in saving at least 2 more
  • Eradicated depression from my life
  • My husband got sober, which also…
  • Saved our marriage - which is absolutely extraordinary now
  • Moved into our dream home on a wooded half an acre near a forest preserve
  • Owned our first investment property

So perhaps you can understand why I think the word “coach” doesn’t quite cut it. ;)

I think I prefer the titles…

  • Interventionist
  • Change Agent
  • Manifestor of Destinies
  • Architect of Dreams
  • Transformation Maven

Well… I think I will put it out to you - any suggestions for a better title than “coach”? You are a creative and brilliant bunch out there - I know because I read your blogs too!!

If you want to learn more about coaching, and want to:

  • Take your business to the next level
  • Overcome personal challenges, including depression and self-sabotage
  • Increase your income
  • Be a Change Agent in your own family
  • Increase your productivity and end procrastination

Then drop me a line for a free session to determine if coaching (or whatever we are going to call it!) is right for you!

The Intersection of Blogging, Coaching, and a Life Purpose

Monday, October 30th, 2006


Last Thursday I had a reader dive into the rather intense values exercise I posted a few weeks ago called The Business Boxing Match :: Success Vs. Failure. I know the kind of personal shit that series can dredge to the surface (pardon the language, but it’s really the only word that fits!!). It can be excruciating. But if you see the series through to the end, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, I don’t think poor Steve got to the end of the series. In fact, he wrote me an email in quite a crappy state of mind, reaching out for help. The cool thing? It was the first time in his life that he had ever done so and he chose me. I was honored and felt blessed to take on the task. [This actually has always happened to me - even when I was in my early 20’s and living at my not-so-best self, people have always confided things in me they have never told anyone before. I actually don’t really know why it is - except that every time it happens, I am indeed able to help. It’s kinda cool, but onto my post…]
The hard thing about writing up this stuff online or on a blog is that a lot of the things that really need to be addressed need to happen in a more intimate setting - such as a phone conversation or in person. So Steve and I arranged to talk on the phone the next morning, because I wouldn’t be able to help get him to where he wanted to be via email.

Our phone conversation is not something I am able to talk about - I don’t talk about the details of my client’s sessions. Fortunately, it made such a huge impact on him that HE wanted to talk about it - and did so on his blog today.

I saw the link come into my WP admin panel this morning and before his page loaded my eyes were already tearing up.

You know, this Law of Attraction stuff is wonderful and I love the nearly instant increase in income now that I have finally cleared out the crap. I already have 5 people who are considering hiring me as a coach just in the last week (I haven’t even officially launched a coaching practice yet!!)
But it pales in comparison to when I really make a difference in someones life.

Now THAT is what gets me up in the morning and puts me to sleep every night feeling blissful.

THAT is what makes me feel as though I am fulfilling my purpose on this planet.

And THAT is the driving force behind who I am, what I do, and what I get to share with you.

And for that I just want to thank you - all of you - for continuing to make it possible to reach and help more people every day.

I wish I could hug each one of you! :)

The Results of Putting my Own Advice into Action = $$

Thursday, October 26th, 2006

Holy cow. I mentioned yesterday that I have removed more limiting beliefs in the last three weeks than I have in the last 3 years combined. Also, thanks to my NLP skills, I was able to bring a whole new level of clarity, intention and purpose to my values, including eliminating old inner conflicts and a complete overhaul of my priorities.

I really was doing well before I did all of this - I was making great progress towards my goals, enjoying life to the max, and was making a big difference in the lives of the people in my life.

But I was rather shocked - floored, even - to experience the results I have experienced recently by ‘fine-tuning’ my personal growth strategy.

I knew I had lingering limiting beliefs around money. Once removing those, I found that money simply wasn’t that important to me - I valued so many things more than it that a paycheck could come or not come - I didn’t really care either way (strange, I know, but true!).
I also have always made ‘contribution’ a very high value - and recently saw that it was working a bit to my detriment.

So with my new tools and skills in hand, I put a simple process into action and created a new set of values - one that served both a need for income AND a need to help and impact the lives of others.

The result?

Within 36 hours of making this values change, I already have a check in the mail (with a copy of the check request already in my inbox!!) for 150% more money than I have made in the last 6 months off of this site.

The beauty of it is that it wasn’t just my work that brought this into fruition - I can honestly say it was also the law of attraction at work. The law of attraction is something I have been working to master for over 10 years - and I tripled my income over that time, but the roadblocks I just mentioned were holding me back from going any further.

I’m amazed with the nearly instant results of putting the law of attraction to work now that my values and beliefs are all aligned. It took me a while to get here - but now that I get it - wow! Look out world!

More on this to come - and I’m thinking that this will be what I break out into a separate blog/business - but now I have so much paying work that I must cut out and get to work!!!

Yippie! :)

Getting to “Ah-Ha” Moments

Thursday, October 19th, 2006

I’ll never forget my first Ah-Ha moment - I was 19 or 20 years old, and I was desperately trying to make changes in my life - or perhaps more accurately stated - I was desperately trying to change myself.

I wasn’t very nice about it, either, to be honest. I was kind of railroading myself into becoming someone I wanted to be - but I certainly wasn’t that person yet.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to change - but my Ah-Ha moment came when I finally admitted to myself that part of me didn’t want to change. It was a moment of unbelievable relief: I at once realized why I was resisting myself and for the first time, had an experience of truly listening to myself - even when what I was saying wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear.

I have had hundreds of Ah-Ha moments since that day - and I think part of the reason I have a passion for self-help and self-improvement is because these Ah-Ha moments are so enjoyable :: addicting, even ;) .

I had another Ah-Ha moment this morning - I’ll share that one separately - and it led me to question Ah-Ha moments in general. What are they? Why do we want them? How do we get them?

So what are Ah-Ha moments?

I like to describe Ah-Ha Moments as those when the intellectual mind, the emotional mind and the physical body all come to an agreement at the same time. It’s when you have an idea or problem that you have struggled with in your mind, it caused icky or conflicting emotions, and your body usually tensed up or got stressed out when you thought about it.

Then in one fell swoop, your mind “gets it” - you have a flood (tiny or huge) of good emotions, and you feel a physical sense of relief and happiness, joy or resolution.

Why do we want to pursue Ah-Ha moments?

I can’t answer for you - but perhaps you will find a bit of yourself in my answer: Ah-Ha moments are the times when obstacles disappear; when problems are solved. They are the moments when decisions are made, and when I am suddenly able to access new resources within myself to find answers to questions and solutions to problems.

To me, Ah-Ha moments are the most priceless moments in life. They are the times when I look at both the past and future of my life and I see everything as a gift, when I appreciate the road that has led me to today, no matter how rocky it was to get here.

So how do we get to Ah-Ha moments?

As I review my past Ah-Ha moments, I find that they have several things in common:

  1. Usually Ah-Ha moments happen not when I get a new bit of information, but when I finally am able to understand and put into action an old bit of information that I already knew.
  2. Ah-Ha moments happen not when I know what is going on, but when I am a bit confused, or when I am more open to solutions because what I am currently doing is not working
  3. Ah-Ha moments happen frequently when I am seeking help - meaning that even though I may already know what I need to know, I’m willing to be wrong or admit I don’t have all of the answers (how’s that for irony?!)
  4. Ah-Ha moments happen when I am not expecting them - which means that even though it is noble to pursue Ah-Ha moments, it’s when we aren’t pursuing them that we are open enough to allowing them to happen

One last thing to note - can you remember a time when you had a big Ah-Ha moment? Can you go back to that time now? If you can, and you can pick apart the ingredients that made this an Ah-Ha moment, you can use this as a recipe to plant the seeds for future Ah-Ha moments.

And on that note, I’ll end with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite people in the world:

It is very easy to see how many seeds are in an apple. You can cut open the apple and count the seeds. However, you never know how many apples lie within each seed.

-Todd Gaster

Are You Really in Charge of Your Business?

Wednesday, October 18th, 2006

One of the subjects that most fascinates me is the unconscious mind and how it affects our emotions, decisions and our lives. Something I learned recently (which was a bit surprising) is that ALL learned behavior change happens unconsciously. This means that even when we make conscious changes in our behavior, it’s only because we are aware of a change that happened on an unconscious level.

So when we make decisions, there are both conscious and unconscious factors that our brain uses in our decision making strategy. Which leads to the question, are you really in charge of your business if you aren’t even aware of some of the factors that affect your brain when you make business decisions?
I read an unbelievably great quote recently on the subject from Milton Erickson. He’s talking about his patients in this quote - yet the lesson behind what he says is applicable to anyone who wants to make a change:

“Patients are patients because they are out of rapport with their own unconscious… Patients are people who have had too much programming - so much outside programming that they have lost touch with their own Inner Selves.”

-Milton Erickson, 1976

So what does this all have to do with being self employed? Well, if you are like most people on the planet, you might have some areas of inner conflict, or some walls that you simply can’t seem to break down in order to take your business to the next level. There are a ton of reasons as to why this can be, and simplistically we can boil it down to negative emotions and limiting decisions and beliefs.

Do you have any limiting beliefs? Beliefs about what you can do with your business? Beliefs about how much money you can make? Beliefs about how much you can accomplish in a day? Beliefs about how long it will take to be a success? Beliefs about whether you are worthy? Beliefs about whether you are enough to handle it all?

The big question is, are they really YOUR beliefs? Or did you learn them from others, adopting them as your own without even realizing the consequences of the decision you had just made?

Perhaps you made these decisions for what seemed to be good reasons - yet you find today that the decisions aren’t serving your highest good - they are in fact limiting you. Or you might not even be aware of them - yet they are guiding your actions and you are at the effect rather than the cause.

So what limiting decisions have you made in your life? And where would your business and life be today if you could remove them?

Look Out, I’m NLP Certified and I’m not Afraid to Use it! ;)

Monday, October 16th, 2006

Ah - it feels great to be back home and to get back to work!

I just wrapped up a very intense course in which I am now certified as an NLP Practitioner, an NLP Coach, and have all the training I need to get my certifications as a HypnoTherapist and Time Line Therapy Practitioner.

I took this course for several reasons. My primary reason is because my life took a drastic turn for the better when I was the recipient of an NLP intervention in early 2004. I used to live with constant depression, self-sabotage and chronic under-achievement. I had spent nearly 20 years working with different therapists, reading self-help books, and studying different psychological approaches to find a way to get myself healed and whole. It may sound surprising, but my intervention lasted all of 6 hours and I immediately became a different woman :: healed and whole.

That next week, I ended my ongoing therapist appointments. Within 3 months I moved into a new career making 500% more than before. And within 6 months I had learned enough about NLP on my own to start using the approach to ‘pay it forward’ and help others remove their own obstacles to success.
Was my life ‘perfect’ after this intervention? Of course not. Was I suddenly able achieve EVERYTHING I wanted? I was able to do a lot of things, but not everything.

After nearly 3 years, I decided it was time to really understand NLP, to know enough about it to apply it to myself whenever I need it, and to truly take on formal intervention work to be able to help others on a larger scale. The course was far more intense than I had anticipated. I thought I knew a lot about this stuff - there was SO much more to experience. I am a pretty together woman - yet was surprised at how much of my own old limiting beliefs came up this week! But to now have the tools to move through any negative emotion and blast out any limiting belief is the greatest gift and I”m super-excited to apply it in all aspects of my life and business.

So what does this all have to do with eMoms at Home? Well, the class gave me a lot more tools and abilities than I had anticipated. I had previously just planned on incorporating the knowledge into this body of work. Now I know there is so much more I can do with it, so I am taking a few days to put together a new business strategy. For now, I am tending towards launching that personal development blog I had mentioned a couple of weeks ago - along with a new NLP practice perhaps :) .

I would be curious to hear from you wonderful readers on what things you want the most help with - from blogging, to believing in yourselves; from procrastination to overcoming limiting beliefs about how much money you can make - please drop me a comment or an email and let me know what I can help you with. Make it BIG - that if I could actually help you overcome this really challenging problem you have struggled with for years, you would be able to do ANYTHING you wanted.

Yes, THAT big!! Go ahead, tell me about it now! :)

10 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Your Home Based Business is Failing (OR you’re just having a bad day)

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

For all of you business owners out there, I think we can all agree that even though we work at home, we still have “bad days at the office”. Some days we just get discouraged. Others we wonder what the hell we are doing. And on the really bad days, we question whether we are really doing the right thing and how the heck we will ever turn it around.

There are times when calling it quits is the right decision - just like there are times when it’s the right decision to leave a job and move onto something else. Other times, we just need to overcome some bad emotions or limiting beliefs in order for us to access better resources within ourselves so that we can keep going until the light at the end of the tunnel starts to appear. This post is for those of you who want to get past a rough spot in your business and keep it going when you just can’t seem to get past a certain business hurdle or obstacle.

You may wonder why I bolded “access better resources within ourselves” above. It’s because I believe very strongly in the following two presuppositions about people:

  1. The resources an individual needs in order to effect a change are already within them otherwise known as all you need is already within you
  2. There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states of mind

So if we take these two presuppositions and put them into action, we can then discuss how we access unresourceful states of mind. It’s simple - we ask ourselves unresourceful questions.

Allow me to give you some examples of unresourceful questions:

  1. What am I doing wrong?
  2. Why do I keep messing up?
  3. Why can’t I get the results I want to achieve?
  4. What am I missing?

Think about the answers you would give yourself to such questions. You are telling your mind to go looking for answers that will continue to reinforce your doubt, frustration, and uncertainty.

The power to access better resources within ourselves is to be very conscious of the questions we ask in our own internal dialogues. And to be sure that we do everything possible to frame these questions in a way that will give us the best possible answers, allowing us to tap into our best possible resources.

So, without further ado, following are 10 resourceful questions to ask of yourself when your business isn’t going well - but you sure want your business to succeed!!

  1. What would I have to believe about myself in order to know with 100% certainty that this business is the right path for me?
  2. What would I have to believe about myself and my business in order to feel excited about the challenge of overcoming the current obstacle in front of me?
  3. What am I faced with right now that is actually a great opportunity for growth?
  4. What would I have to believe about this opportunity in order to take on this challenge with excitement and gratitude for the chance to make a change?
  5. If I were to tackle this day [week, month!] with my most creative resources available to me, what would I do, think and believe differently than I am doing in this moment?
  6. What would have to happen in order for me to feel as though my business is a success no matter what? What can I do now in order to make that happen?
  7. What resources are available to me that I haven’t tapped into yet to build my business - are there friends, business acquaintences, or books that I know for certain can help me take my business to the next level?
  8. What things do I already know about my business that will make me successful that I haven’t done yet - and what would make me feel excited about implementing a plan of action to do them immediately?
  9. What accomplishments have I already achieved in my business - and what lessons can I take from those past successes that will enable me to repeat them?
  10. If my future self could travel back in time to this moment and give me some advice, what would she/he say that would completely energize and motivate me to succeed?

Remember - the power of a great question lies in a very, very key component - you have to go searching for the great answer within yourself. ;)

Claim the Victory :: Embrace your Success

Friday, September 22nd, 2006

The first post in this series:
The Business Boxing Match :: Success vs. Failure

The second post in this series:
Fight the Inner Battle :: Sneaky Tools to Win

The third post in this series:
Go to the Mattresses :: Overcoming Obstacles vs. Untapped Potential

The fourth post in this series:
Claim the Victory :: Embrace your Success

Yesterday we got rid of some of your “brick wall” obstacles to success. Today we’re going to look a little closer as to why that brick wall was there in the first place, clearing the rubble away for you to throw your victory flag into the ground and embrace your success!

We all have five basic needs that we must meet on a regular basis. Everything we do, we do to meet one or more of these five needs:

  • Certainty
  • Variety
  • Bonding
  • Love
  • Importance

Look back on your answers yesterday from question number three: ‘What benefit am I getting out of “X”?’

If you put on your psychology hat for one moment, you will begin to see a pattern emerge in your answers. Study them and determine which of these five needs you were meeting by feeling that avoidance value you worked on yesterday. In fact, you probably met more than one of these needs before yesterday’s process.

As I mentioned earlier, if you yank out an avoidance value, you will not be meeting that need in the same way any longer. Unless you put together a plan to meet that need in positive ways, you will go back to that old avoidance value to get your needs met.

So today we are going to get specific about this need, and create some new, positive ways to ensure that it is met on a regular basis.

Here again are another series of questions/sections - don’t worry, these are much easier emotionally than yesterday was! This process is most valuable if you again take the time to print this page out to sit down and write out your answers.

1 :: Choose one of the above mentioned five needs - the one that you were meeting the most by feeling yesterday’s avoidance value.

What does “X” mean to you specifically?

For example:

Importance means that I feel special. That there is a reason I am here on this planet.

Importance means that I know I am making a difference with my work.

Importance means that I know that I am loved unconditionally.

Importance means that I know that I contribute to the lives of my families and friends.


Certainty means that I feel safe, but I know nothing bad is going to happen to me or my family.

Certainty means that I am familiar with my situation, or my surroundings, and I have a feeling of comfort or being at ease.

Certainty means that I know what I am doing, that I feel I can take charge of a situation

2 :: You may feel you have tremendous potential, and you may even feel that you’re doing really well in your business. Is it really well compared to others? Maybe it is. But is it “really well” in comparison to what you’re truly capable of? Are you living up to your full potential?

Right now, close your eyes, sit back and relax because I want you to really get in touch with who you really are. Pretend for a moment that you are at the end of your life. And let’s also pretend that you lived your life to the fullest.

Look back on your life now and noticed the moments where you truly lived up to your full potential.

What are some of the accomplishments that you made, because you lived your life this way?

Who did you become, once you made the decision to hold nothing back in your life?

How did your business touch people, and change lives, because you made a commitment to come from your heart in all of your actions?

Look back on your entire life, and fill it in with photographs of your most cherished moments. Not just your business accomplishments, but the treasured moments you spent with your family and friends because you had the time and resources to do so.

Allow yourself to really feel grateful and proud of this life that you led. Really let it sink in and let the feelings radiate from within. Remember to put the expression on your face to match these great feelings you are experiencing.

What are some of the things that you say to yourself, as you look back on such a rich and rewarding life?

Take 10 to 20 minutes right now to write a page or so about this life that you just experienced. Write it as if it has already happened, in past tense.

3 :: Going back to your answer in number one (your need), and remaining in touch with the “You” you got to know in number two, answer the following question:

‘When I am at my absolute best, what has to happen in order for me to feel “X”?’

Again, these are your “rules” - meaning if “Z” happens, then I feel “X”. For example:

I feel important when I get great feedback from a customer or client.

I feel important when I have a really productive day and get a ton of stuff done.

I feel important when I am able to put my nose to the grindstone and add a new revenue stream to my business.


I feel certainty when I plan a project and know without a doubt I can complete it.

I feel certainty when I know I have enough income and revenue coming from my business for the next four months.

I feel certainty when I know I have my family’s and spouse’s support in my business

4 :: You really want to make it easy for yourself to meet this need on a consistent basis, in a way that serves your highest good.

So to really give you a lot of tools to work with, ask the following question of yourself to add to your answers from the previous question:

If I were living up to my full potential, what would be some ways that I could feel (importance, certainty, etc.) that I haven’t thought of before? How can I create this feeling from within me, based solely on my own thoughts or actions?

5 :: Lastly, and most importantly, schedule time every day over the next 30 days to read what you just wrote every morning before you start your day. It may sound ironic and funny, but feeling great emotions actually takes practice.

So take five minutes on a daily basis to remind yourself of what you’re capable of!!

You may be wondering about the friend of mine at the beginning of this series that hated to sell - though I was just like her, honestly, it wasn’t me. ;) I coaxed, prodded, and finally just paid for her to come to this sales training event about a year ago.

We were able to completely reframe the way she percieved a sale. Instead of coercion, suddenly, sales was about helping people. Instead of pressure, it was about standing up for what she believed was the right thing to do for her clients.

I can happily report that today, my friend’s coaching practice has gone through the roof. She daily applies the lessons learned in that sales program, not just in bringing in new business, but as she “sells” her clients on new ideas and new business strategies.

So learning how to sell didn’t just save my life, it saved a few businesses along the way too. :)


Even though this post concludes my series on values conflicts, it certainly doesn’t cover the entire spectrum of the impact of committing to personal growth to improve your professional business. You can count on me to write more on the subject, and to even put some more formalized tools together to help you truly get out of your own way, and make your business extraordinary. If I get enough requests to create an audio version of this series, I’d be happy to make it my first podcast!

Please drop me a line via my contact form or in a comment below if you found value in this series. I also work to be approachable, so if you have questions, by all means please let me know! I would especially love to hear from you as you experience success by going through this process. :)

Here’s to a successful business and a successful you!

Go to the Mattresses :: Overcoming Obstacles Vs. Untapped Potential

Thursday, September 21st, 2006

The first post in this series:
The Business Boxing Match :: Success vs. Failure

The second post in this series:
Fight the Inner Battle :: Sneaky Tools to Win

The third post in this series:
Go to the Mattresses :: Overcoming Obstacles vs. Untapped Potential

The fourth post in this series:
Claim the Victory :: Embrace your Success

This is my third post in my Values Conflicts series, and today we go to the mattresses. Last week I wrote a post about asking tough questions of our ourselves and of our readers. Today I’m going to do just that. It’s a long post and I suggest you read it, print it out and take it to a quiet room when the kiddos are napping or when you have some quiet time for yourself. You will need to dedicate an hour or two to this process.

This series, and especially this post, is for those of you who are serious about overcoming obstacles and serious about taking your business to the next level. If you’re just interested, you may want to skip to some of my funny posts. If you’re committed to making a shift, read further.

You will never go for your dreams - business or personal - as long as you have more pain associated to achieving them than you do to not achieving them. So the bad news is that it’s time to associate some pain to not achieving your dreams. The good news is that your dreams are on the other side of this pain. :-)

Think back on all of the missed opportunities, untapped potential, and half finished projects you may have experienced over the last few years in your business. What has stopped you? Fear? Procrastination? Overwhelm?

How much have you lost out on, because these emotions came up and hijacked your plans?

What has your lack of focus and procrastination cost you in terms of dollars, drained energy, and failed projects?

How is your fear holding back the growth of your business? How is it affecting your family and your health?

Your assignment from day one was to name your top six avoidance values. I want you to go to that list right now, and choose just one that you know in your heart is holding you back the most. I’m about to walk you through a series of seven questions, most of which will make you feel like crap. You can’t say I didn’t warn you. ;)

Your assignment for today is to walk yourself through these seven questions. I will also dive into my old journal and reveal my own process of getting rid of self-doubt - quoting my own words exactly as written. I assure you it isn’t pretty.

If you start going through these questions, it’s rather important that you finish going through all of them. So commit now to doing all 7 before you begin because I don’t want to leave you in an emotional funk without resolution! (By the way don’t go through this process with “self-doubt” if it’s not on your list - go through these questions with your own “emotional worst enemy”.)

Onto the questions:

1 :: What does “X” mean to me specifically?

For example, what did self-doubt mean to me specifically? Here are some of my answers:

A feeling of not trusting myself. More specifically, I have opposing wants and needs and values and I do not trust myself to make the right decision.

I am unsure I can produce the results I want to produce.

A feeling of sadness as I wonder if not I am capable of making my dreams come true. And if I can’t, am I really enough to be loved as someone so insignificant?

Be specific in your answers, and come up with at least five.

2 :: What has to happen in order for me to feel “X”?

These are your “rules” - if ‘blank’ happens then I feel self-doubt. Such as:

The results I want don’t happen: these could be internal or external. I could want to feel productive, but be unable to do so. Or I could want to make a sale, but the sale falls through.

I have to lack an understanding of how a result will be achieved.

I might be able to see the result that I want, but I will be unable to feel that could really happen, or I question the validity or practicality of what I want.

Someone I care about questions my judgment or a decision I made.

You will notice that some of these rules are based on yourself - things that only you can control. And some will be based on others - things you can’t control. Just notice your rules, and notice who is in control of your emotions with the rules you currently have in place. Again five answers.

3 :: What benefit am I getting out of “X”?

You will find that we always do things because we get some value out of them. this is where you need to be dirt level honest with yourself, because it is important you understand why you make these choices. My benefits for self-doubt were:

I always have a compelling future, but rarely live it. I get to hold onto the illusion of my future perfect life rather than living in the moment where myself and my family needs me the most.

I get to keep my peer group, where I am important and significant, rather than risk being insignificant amongst a group of superstars.

I get to continue to blame myself and my circumstances, and get wrapped up in my “story” rather than risk uncertainty and just take action.

At this point, you will probably be crawling in your skin, as I certainly was. This stuff is hard to admit, but is critical to getting past it.

4 :: By indulging in “X”, what is it costing me?

Currently, all you see is the pain of action. Yet it is important that you get associated to the pain of inaction. So what was self-doubt costing me?

I am teaching my children to doubt themselves, not trust themselves, to live in fear and sabotage their own self-esteem by my example.

I am losing the great identity I worked so hard to create. I will never inspire others or lead them anywhere except mediocrity as long as I stay in self doubt.

I am leading an incongruent life as a trainer and leader. I question my own integrity, if I tell others to believe in themselves yet I am unwilling to believe in my own self.

At this point in the process, I was a blubbering, crying mess. You might be too. That’s okay. :-) Again, five answers.

5 :: What do I have to forget in order to feel “X”?

I’m going to shift gears here and going ask you to do something a little unexpected: get up and get a glass of water. Go walk around the house. Or simply stand up and shake your body out. I want you to shake off all the feelings I just brought up. Come back in less than 4 minutes and we’ll start building up your inner resources again from the ground up.

Now take a few moments, close your eyes and think of a time when you had one of your greatest successes. Picture the situation in your mind, make it bright and bring it close to your eyes. Say to yourself what you say when you are kicking butt and taking names! But the expression on your face you have when you know you ROCK, and there is nothing stopping you! Be sure to really get in touch with this moment before you move further.

Only now are you ready to answer this question, “What did I have to forget in order to feel self doubt?”

I have to forget that every decision I have made has served my highest good even when appearances initially seemed to appear otherwise.

I have to forget that I have already been totally successful in overcoming awful things in my past.

I have to forget that what I resist, persists, so that I’m actually accelerating and creating more self doubt by holding onto these feelings.

This question is so important, because you wouldn’t be where you are today if you hadn’t already achieved wonderful things and made some great decisions along the way. Remind yourself now of the accomplishments you have made, because you deserve acknowledgment for that. [[This is me hugging you if you need it right now]]

If you can come up with seven or eight answers that would be great, but again, make it a minimum of five. Push yourself if you have to.

6 :: Why be free of “X” now?

It’s time to create some leverage. We will do anything if we have a big enough “Why”. Until now, I let you off the hook with five answers for each question. On this one, you need to come up with a minimum of eight, if not ten answers if possible.

So why be free of self doubt now?

I don’t want to teach it and I cannot help but teach it if I don’t let it go.

I must find a way to motivate myself in positive ways.

I’m really lying to myself about who I think I am if I never do what it takes to actually succeed.

I will only look forward to living my dreams, but never actually experiencing them… cheating myself, my family and my Creator out of experiencing the authentic me and the life I was born to live.

It would remove a very large barrier to action.

If I succeed even a little bit, I will be being more true to myself than I have ever been before.

If I don’t let go of self doubt go it will be the biggest source of pain in my life, and my biggest regret.

You’re almost done! But push yourself to come up with enough answers until you get to a point where you can feel in your gut you know you have enough reasons to get rid of this completely disempowering, crappy, limiting avoidance value.

7 :: What are my new rules for “X”?

You are now going to consciously choose what has to happen in order for you to feel this avoidance value. And you’re going to make it so darn hard to feel that it will never get in your way again!

The key to creating these new rules is using words like “and”, “consistently”, “always”, “must” and “never”. One other key - create these rules so that you are in charge - you simply can’t creates rules that other people need to meet in order for you to feel a certain way. You will never be in charge of yourself, or your business, if you base your emotions and reactions on others’ choices.

So now what has to happen in order for me to feel self-doubt?

I must consistently show no progress towards my results and my goals.

I must consistently focus only on my past failures, and consistently always forget my past successes.

I must never be willing to learn from my prior mistakes, and consistently find no value in my life to date.

I must consistently ignore every single thing my heart tells me to do.

I must consistently forget all of the love, happiness, success and contribution I have experienced by following my heart in the past.

Only when I choose to do ALL of the above things will I feel self-doubt. If even one of these things aren’t done, I will NOT feel self-doubt.


Whew! I have walked myself through this process with several different avoidance values. Each time I get through all seven questions, I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

It’s kind of like I have been on a path to a goal, with a big brick wall in the way. I would constantly stop and try to break down the wall with a hammer - or even a jackhammer for that matter! But after going through this process, it’s like the wall has vanished into thin air.

By going to this process, we’ve just eliminated one of your highest avoidance values. You probably feel like celebrating, but we are not done yet. You can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the hard part is over, though!

It is important to “be responsible” as we get rid of his mental junk. We hold onto avoidance values for a reason - they meet our needs in various ways. If we don’t get rid of an avoidance value and replace it with something positive, we risk getting sucked right back into old ways.

Tomorrow I will help you to identify the basic needs you were meeting with this avoidance value and put a plan of action into place to meet that same need in positive ways.