What You Want May Be Different than What You Will Settle For


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Over three years ago, I went to a sales training that forever changed me as a person - I experienced a radical transformation from inner negativity and emptiness to living my life as an example and filled with light. Long story short, that weekend gave me one of those life-altering experiences that permanently put me on a path to live up to my full potential.

At that time, my relationship with my husband was shaky. My newfound sense of confidence was a bit threatening to him. The years went on - I kept growing in leaps and bounds. He started digging in his heels. We grew farther and farther apart.

The stress on our relationship really started taking it’s toll. His drinking, which had been a problem already, started spiraling out of control. I kept raising my standards, and the chasm between us also grew farther and farther apart.

But the real problem was the internal chasm I was beginning to experience. Here I was, a success at the Director level of a dot-com, a coach with Anthony Robbins & Associates, and a role model for my children - married to a drunk. The incongruency I began to feel in living my own life was the most disturbing of all.

My coach at the time had a favorite quote - but it took him saying it several times before I actually heard it:

“The amount of success you will achieve in business or in life is in direct proportion to the standards that you are willing to hold yourself to - or those that you are willing to settle for.”

For years I had raised my standards in every area of my life, and the level of positive action I was able to take across the board had increased my quality of life as well. I had even raised my standards in my marriage - I expected more responsibility and accountability from my husband, and I knew I deserved a better life for both myself and my children.

But I had still been willing to settle for the drunk.

Last year, I finally got it. I decided I was no longer willing to settle for less than everything I wanted in a marriage - not a perfect marriage - but a healthy, loving, sober marriage with a man who respected and loved himself as much as he did me.

It was a painful transition to be sure - but once I upped my ‘marital bottom line’, everything shifted - and I am happy to report today that my husband is about as incredible of a husband as you will find on this planet. And our marriage is extraordinary.

So what does this have to do with business and entrepreneurship?

Well, based upon several strong suggestions lately, I picked up Seth Godin’s new book The Dip. The chasm I experienced between that sales seminar and being married to the man of my dreams definitely qualifies as a damn big DIP in my life.

And lately, I’ve been experiencing a bit of a business Dip. I had several well-intentioned readers ask a very good question:

Wendy, if you are already a successful blogger, why do need to grow?

Why do you want more?

I had a hard time articulating my answer to that one for a few days - because sure I’d like more money, more visitors, and a higher Technorati rank - but I would be fine without all of those things, except for just one thing:

I was put on this earth to be astonishing. And I don’t dare to waste that. This blog and I have the power to change the lives of millions of parents. To create remarkable content, products and services. To over-deliver. And to be the best in the world.

I am quoting Seth’s words - but it’s the next sentence that brings the entire last three weeks into business perspective:

How dare I squander that resource [me] by spreading it too thin.

In short, I have settled for less than what I am capable of thus far. And I risk squandering it by being stretched to my limits. I’m currently in what Seth would call a Conceptual Dip. And I will do whatever it takes to get to my goal.

What’s that goal?

To get in front of every single weary, dissatisfied, under-earning parent who is clinging to an ordinary, safe, and soul-crushing life and let them know that it is never too late to go after your entrepreneurial dreams, and that each of us were put on this planet to do great things.

To let them know that if they can get to a computer, they can build a better life for themselves and their families.

And that they can come from humble beginnings and live to change lives. Even if you’re homeless, chronically depressed, and have no business experience.

Although I’m still working through the reinvention of the eMoms brand so to speak, I am not quitting in the middle of my Dip.

I chose to be exceptional.

I will not settle for average.

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  • Discussion

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    On June 25th, 2007 at 10:54 am, Kelly King Anderson said:

    Glad you’re reading the Dip, I was going to send it to you! :)

    On June 25th, 2007 at 10:59 am, Sabrina said:

    I love the blog, especially the last two sentences. I love it. I love it. I agree and can be one with it….

    Women who speak up aren’t loud, we’re just HEARD.

    On June 25th, 2007 at 12:35 pm, Ron said:

    Well I am not a mom (I’m a Dad) but your blog inspires me so much. Keep up the great work. My sister is looking to start a blog and I shared your site with her.

    On June 25th, 2007 at 3:13 pm, Aaron M. Potts said:

    Wendy - You have just stumbled upon the worst part of the Internet…

    You can’t see it when people stand up and cheer for you! :)

    Great job, Wendy, and great vision. Can’t wait to see where it goes.

    On June 25th, 2007 at 3:29 pm, Leigh said:

    We are doing the wave for you Wendy :)

    I think you may have had people a little nervous after your post last week, that you were going to leave us.

    You really are astonishing! That quote gave me a tingle. You have given me a great buzz to start the day with as usual, Thanks Wendy!

    On June 25th, 2007 at 3:30 pm, Angela said:

    Wendy, what an inspiring post! A reminder to us all that no matter who we are or what our background may be that we have a mission in life whether we realize it or not. Our job is to determine what it is and how to overcome the obstacles to accomplish it.

    Kudos to you especially for hanging in there and doing what you felt was best to make your marriage better for you AND your DH. Best wishes to you both!

    On June 25th, 2007 at 3:54 pm, derek said:

    This is a very insightful post and one that hits quite close to home for me in a few ways.

    I just posted on my site about my need to be a better husband to my wife and what that means to me. This relates to your discussion of settling for something as I think both my wife and I have fallen into that a little bit.

    As for your goal, your are accomplishing that with me. While I am not under-earning, I am in a job that I do not love and trying to find a way to get out from under the burden of sticking with a well paying job I don’t love in order to pursue my entrepreneurial dreams.

    In addition, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I have been put here to do and I find a lot of inspiration in your posts.

    Wendy, your site helps in more ways that you likely know and I just wanted to take a moment to share that appreciation with you. Thanks!

    On June 25th, 2007 at 8:55 pm, AgentSully said:

    Thanks for sharing this very personal story. Wow. Congrats that your marriage survived. That’s beating the odds!

    On June 26th, 2007 at 8:14 pm, tanya said:

    Adding my “great post.” It really reminds me of the quote that I live by and which helped me make it through grad school - from Marie Curie, “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”

    On June 26th, 2007 at 10:08 pm, Jessica Duquette said:

    You go, girl!



    On June 27th, 2007 at 9:14 pm, Todd Jordan said:

    Wow, talk about a kick in the pants! You have wonderful energy and you share it well. Can’t wait to see what comes next.

    Along the way, I hope to learn and grow myself. I’d love to wake up each day and dig into something I’m truly passionate about.

    I believe that even being a Christian, I’m meant to have happiness and success in life, and importantly to help others reach the same.

    On July 1st, 2007 at 1:01 pm, Karen Lynch said:

    Great Post! Love this one!
    I think there must be a lot that I can learn about growing my business here but where do I start???

    Mentions on other sites...

    1. Sharing Words of Wisdom on June 26th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
    2. Make Money Online Pros » Make Money Online Reads For The Week on June 27th, 2007 at 12:52 pm

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